I have an interesting commute. I try my best to stay off of freeways, so I take this lovely half two-lane half normal looking road along a rail route called Mykawa. It has LOVELY scenery. Most of the time I find interesting road kill: cows, horses, dogs, cats, raccoons, possum, deer, rabbits, and more. One time, I was waiting at a light, and a coyote stops at the crosswalk, looks both ways, and crosses the street into the pasture filled with cows. He/she definitely did not watch any Wile E Coyote/Roadrunner episodes. I’m pretty sure this also caused one of the cows to die.
Other times, I see things that are WAY more interesting than that.
I’m driving, and to my left is a (handwritten) sign that says “OFFICE FURNITURE FOR SALE” in front of a house on the corner. OK, I can get on board with that – maybe they came upon a storage unit or something. I see what looks like a large crowd standing under the carport in the driveway. Nope, it’s not a crowd.
There has to be twenty mannequins hanging out under this carport. Headless, posing mannequins. Oh, and there’s office furniture – a bevy of desks, bookshelves, tables and chairs. I’m so proud to have found this, I think…no way can anything top it. NO WAY.
The next day. YES – THE NEXT DAY – I come across what I consider to be my most maginficient find yet. Ladies and gentlemen, and dogs and probably no cats (because I hate all of you), please let me me introduce the fart train:
Mykawa has multiple rails that run parallel to the road, and I am not joking when I say I look for the fart train EVERYDAY. I also look for other inspiring graffiti art that compares to the majesty of this car’s decor, but to date, I have not seen anything that comes close. I’d like to think that one day, I’ll be driving along, looking wistfully at the parked railcars, and someone will ask, “Christy, what are you looking for?” To this I will reply, “oh nothing, just the fart train.” And that will be the best conversation I’ve ever had.
I see things before I even get out of Pearland too. There is the tow truck with bad grammar:
Now, someone consciously went to a place and asked for this to be put on their business vehicle for one reason or another and that place said “OK yeah, this is what you want, right?” and that person said, “yes absolutely. YOUR late.” I think a small part of my brain just died. DIED.
And the guy driving a Dolorian that decided that it would be a good idea to sit at a light and pick his nose so hard it appears he might be going for his brain:
So, this guy seems to think that either a) he’s not conspicuous driving a DOLORIAN so it’s cool to pick his nose at the light or b) he just doesn’t care. I don’t know which is worse, a lack of self-awareness in DOLORIAN (come ON!) or the lack of caring whether or not someone sees you digging for gold.
And then once I get to work, I see the sweetest pair of Manpris I’ve ever seen outside of Disney World or Bush Intercontinental Airport:
These are so short, they cannot be mistaken for pants that are too short, and they are tailored in such a way that they cannot be mistaken for “really long shorts.” The bottoms even flare ever so slightly, and it leads me to believe that these may even be women’s capris. Like, he was getting dressed, and picked up the wrong pants because he fell asleep in his mom’s room.
I really would love to fill a category with “STUPID CRAP I’VE SEEN ON MY COMMUTE.” I have a feeling that now that I’m on the lookout, I’ll never see anything ever again. I should probably stop looking.
It’s been a minute since my last blog. I’m happy to report that my grandfather (mom’s dad) is doing really well. He’s home, doing things on his own, and more or less trying to get back to his old lifestyle of not having bacterial meningitis. I still need friends to keep my other grandfather (dad’s dad) in your thoughts/prayers/meditations. I hope this also ends my blog consitpation, because I’d really love to pick this crap back up again. I look forward to your comments, and don’t forget to share the link! I’d do it for you! hahaha