Fart Trains and Mannequins

I have an interesting commute.  I try my best to stay off of freeways, so I take this lovely half two-lane half normal looking road along a rail route called Mykawa.  It has LOVELY scenery.  Most of the time I find interesting road kill: cows, horses, dogs, cats, raccoons, possum, deer, rabbits, and more.  One time, I was waiting at a light, and a coyote stops at the crosswalk, looks both ways, and crosses the street into the pasture filled with cows.  He/she definitely did not watch any Wile E Coyote/Roadrunner episodes.  I’m pretty sure this also caused one of the cows to die.

Other times, I see things that are WAY more interesting than that.

I’m driving, and to my left is a (handwritten) sign that says “OFFICE FURNITURE FOR SALE” in front of a house on the corner.  OK, I can get on board with that – maybe they came upon a storage unit or something.  I see what looks like a large crowd standing under the carport in the driveway.  Nope, it’s not a crowd.

Not a crowd. A party!

There has to be twenty mannequins hanging out under this carport.  Headless, posing mannequins.  Oh, and there’s office furniture – a bevy of desks, bookshelves, tables and chairs.  I’m so proud to have found this, I think…no way can anything top it.  NO WAY.

The next day.  YES – THE NEXT DAY – I come across what I consider to be my most maginficient find yet.  Ladies and gentlemen, and dogs and probably no cats (because I hate all of you), please let me me introduce the fart train:

Fart Train 4-Life

Mykawa has multiple rails that run parallel to the road, and I am not joking when I say I look for the fart train EVERYDAY.  I also look for other inspiring graffiti art that compares to the majesty of this car’s decor, but to date, I have not seen anything that comes close.  I’d like to think that one day, I’ll be driving along, looking wistfully at the parked railcars, and someone will ask, “Christy, what are you looking for?”  To this I will reply, “oh nothing, just the fart train.”  And that will be the best conversation I’ve ever had.

I see things before I even get out of Pearland too.  There is the tow truck with bad grammar:

You’re means YOU ARE. Y-O-U-R MEANS YOUR

Now, someone consciously went to a place and asked for this to be put on their business vehicle for one reason or another and that place said “OK yeah, this is what you want, right?” and that person said, “yes absolutely. YOUR late.”  I think a small part of my brain just died. DIED.

And the guy driving a Dolorian that decided that it would be a good idea to sit at a light and pick his nose so hard it appears he might be going for his brain:

Digging for 1.21 gigawatts?

So, this guy seems to think that either a) he’s not conspicuous driving a DOLORIAN so it’s cool to pick his nose at the light or b) he just doesn’t care.  I don’t know which is worse, a lack of self-awareness in  DOLORIAN (come ON!) or the lack of caring whether or not someone sees you digging for gold. 

And then once I get to work, I see the sweetest pair of Manpris I’ve ever seen outside of Disney World or Bush Intercontinental Airport:

To be fair, it had just rained.

These are so short, they cannot be mistaken for pants that are too short, and they are tailored in such a way that they cannot be mistaken for “really long shorts.”  The bottoms even flare ever so slightly, and it leads me to believe that these may even be women’s capris.  Like, he was getting dressed, and picked up the wrong pants because he fell asleep in his mom’s room. 

I really would love to fill a category with “STUPID CRAP I’VE SEEN ON MY COMMUTE.”  I have a feeling that now that I’m on the lookout, I’ll never see anything ever again.  I should probably stop looking. 

It’s been a minute since my last blog.  I’m happy to report that my grandfather (mom’s dad) is doing really well.  He’s home, doing things on his own, and more or less trying to get back to his old lifestyle of not having bacterial meningitis.  I still need friends to keep my other grandfather (dad’s dad) in your thoughts/prayers/meditations.  I hope this also ends my blog consitpation, because I’d really love to pick this crap back up again.  I look forward to your comments, and don’t forget to share the link!  I’d do it for you!  hahaha

 

 

 

 

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13 comments

  1. Cassi · August 2, 2012

    “Like, he was getting dressed, and picked up the wrong pants because he fell asleep in his mom’s room.” <– Winner winner chicken dinner.

  2. Christin Horton · August 2, 2012

    Hahaha… You have a keen eye for the weirdest crap! But I must say, even with a headache, this made me laugh. I think you should leave them a note to dress their mannequins so you don’t have to look a plastic butts on your way to work! Then make sure to carry an extra pair of pants for the idiot that wears womens capris. Oh, and don’t forget to make a sign that you can pop up in your window to let the person in the next car know you can see them digging for gold. And last but not least, call the number on the tow truck just to let them know that if they want to be taken seriously they should correct the grammer on the back of the truck.

    • superbloggyblog · August 2, 2012

      It could be a show… Keen Eye for the Weird, um, Stuff?

      • Christin Horton · August 2, 2012

        Why not, they have every other kind of show on TV. I’m sure yours would be filled with so much more sarcasm and funniness. Shoot while your at it you can just become a reality TV star by simply filming your daily life. I’m positive it would be a hit!

      • superbloggyblog · August 2, 2012

        I think I need to have you follow me around just to keep my confidence up. I like you. =D

  3. Dee Woodson · August 3, 2012

    Every time I pass a railroad, I find myself looking for the fart train! That would be double awesome.

    • superbloggyblog · August 3, 2012

      I honestly don’t know what could top it, but I’d love to find out.

  4. Christin Horton · August 3, 2012

    Lol, Christy. I just might take you up on that if the pay is right. What you offerin!! 😉

  5. Kris McGrew · August 30, 2012

    Nice site, SBB. Why am I reading your blog at work and almost a month after you wrote this? Well, it must be fate, because I was sitting in traffic this morning and looked over at the concrete sound-barrier/wall to see the word “FART-Z” spray painted. Made my day. (Why is that icon showing up by my name?)

    • superbloggyblog · August 30, 2012

      It’s oddly comforting to know that fart graffitti-ism is nationwide.

    • superbloggyblog · August 30, 2012

      Oh, and your avatar appears to be John Cusack with a migraine.

  6. Pingback: HEY GUYS WHAT’S UP |

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