All the Hyperbole

I love to talk in hyperbole.

I do it all day, every day, on every topic, ALL THE TIME.  Do I have 5 things to do today?  Probably, but I’m going to tell you I have 589297 things to do.  Am I tired?  Yes, but I will always be the most tired person you have ever met in your life and if I don’t sleep tonight I’m going to turn into a zombie and eat your brains.  A little angry?  Possibly, but I’m going to threaten bodily harm even if you just forgot to give me that paper clip I asked for 5 minutes ago.  You could have also murdered my rabbit.  Same level of anger.  Face punch.

At times, this will get me in trouble.  I’ll say something dramatic, and the person to whom I’m speaking will think I’m serious.  This is especially dangerous at work.  If your supervisor asks you if you have time to do a task, you should probably not say that you have negative hours in the day because of all the work you do, and just say, sure.  And then get to it when you can.  Or if you tell a coworker that you’re so stressed out that you want to set the building on fire, they may stay away from you the rest of the week.

Younger people are “like, 12” and older people are 157 years old.  The former was accurately portrayed in the below someecard.

12

All this talk is pretty much the exact opposite of my life.  There is no extreme in it, whatsoever.  I go to work daily, church weekly, and vacation on occasion.  I have a child that I drop off and pick up from school every day. The wildest thing I do in a month is going to bunco.  I imagine many of you live similar lives.  I’m also not as big of a jerk as I used to be.  Some of you can attest to that.  I used to be a huge mean sarcastic jerk, but the kind you wanted to have say things to people, because it was never directed at you.

Does the hyperbole make me feel alive?  Yes.  Am I using it incorrectly?  ALL THE TIME.  Do I care?  Nope.  OK, maybe I care when someone says they will LITERALLY DIE if something happens/doesn’t happen.  I don’t do that.  Well, not really.

hyperbole-hoodie_design

PS, I just told a person about this blog, and she said I should put something about jumbo shrimp.  I facepalmed SO HARD.  Facedesk even.  Double facepalm.  ALL THE FACEPALM.

double facepalm

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