Stockholm Syndrome

Stock·holm syn·drome
noun
  1. feelings of trust or affection felt in certain cases of kidnapping or hostage-taking by a victim toward a captor.

I was held captive once.  My captor told me that I wasn’t allowed to do things that made me happy.  I couldn’t hang out with friends because I had responsibilities.  I couldn’t indulge in hobbies because there were so many things to get done around the house.  My captor said I couldn’t push myself at work because my family needed me at home to do all the things they needed.  My captor didn’t want me to exist.  My captor convinced me that it was okay to have your identity as an individual erased, and to solely be the stuff you got done.  I trusted that opinion.  I was comfortable with that idea, even though my instincts told me that it wasn’t right.

I held myself hostage.

I allowed these thoughts to penetrate my being and I convinced myself that there was no other way. I told myself it was everyone else who felt this way, and I was reacting to their opinion.  I cared too much about what others were not even saying.  How did this happen?  Was it a crisis of confidence?  Did I do something to silence my inner voice that would have normally made me rebel?

Over the last year, I have slowly been able to peel this layer of doubt away.  I have let myself feel joy.  I have let myself feel tired (from doing something fulfilling, and not from having insomnia!).   I have reached for goals that I have never thought possible.  It’s a work in progress, but it’s in progress.  That gives me a lot of satisfaction with life.  The work isn’t done, though.  Even as I type this blog, there’s this little shadow looming that says I’m being selfish.  Shouldn’t I be bragging on my family?  On how I am performing as a wife or mother?  Why aren’t you talking about how funny your daughter is, or how she’s excelling at this activity or that sport?  Why aren’t you doing a post on a funny situation at home where your husband did some stereotypical husband stuff?  I have to literally stand up and shake it off.  (I’m using “literally” in the correct form here, guys.)

This post is a bit of a purge.  I am breaking up with my captor.  I’m telling her that she can’t make me trust this feeling like she used to.  The tide is turning against the cocoon she created, where I do nothing for myself.  I get to be me again.  I am a neat person.  NEAT.  Do you feel like you’re a hostage?  Are you holding yourself against your will?  Come step outside with me.  I’ll hold your hand.

angry cat

I took this selfie during captivity.

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Because My Memory Sucks Part 1: Music

Welcome to my new series, “Because My Memory Sucks.”  Why, you ask?  Because it does, and it has for quite some time.  Why does it suck?  Well, I’d really like to know.  In the past, I 100% blamed it on not sleeping well.  By not sleeping “well” I mean not sleeping for more than 3 hours at a time over 8 years and not without pharmacological assistance (medicine).  That’s not well.  Nope.

Now, I sleep at least 7 hours, unassisted, and I’m TIRED ALL THE TIME.  That’s probably for different reasons, but that’s another post for another day.  (YAY)  Today, I’m starting this blog post to create a running list of the artists I’ve seen live.  I know, this is boring and self-serving, but I want to know who you’ve seen live as well.  Also, if you went somewhere with me and I missed it, please tell me! Again, my memory sucks!

Do we overlap?  Is there someone NOT on my list that you think is a must see?  Is there someone you saw that I should avoid at all costs?  Give me some feedback.  

Houston Rodeo Performances (because this should always be its own category)
Alabama
Tony Bennett
Clint Black
Brooks & Dunn*
Charlie Daniels Band
Duran Duran
Vince Gill
Alan Jackson* (a bunch of times between 1992 and 2004)
Lynyrd Skynyrd
Neal McCoy
John Michael Montgomery
Anne Murray (I pretty much think this was my first “concert”)
Brad Paisley
Blake Shelton
Steve Miller Band
George Strait* (a bunch of times)
Keith Urban
Clay Walker* (also a bunch of times)
Zac Brown Band*

Festivals
Buzzfest 1999: Better Than Ezra, Chlorien, Collective Soul, Eve 6, The Flys, GPR, Jude, Lit, My Friend Steve, Soul Coughing, Sponge, Tin Star, Tommy Hendrickson, Train
Buzzfest 2001: 8Stops7, Alien Ant Farm, The Apex Theory, Bliss 66, The Calling, Default, Fuel, Joydrop, NICKELBACK (OMG SHOOT ME), Pressure 4-5, Remy Zero, Saliva, Tantric, Transmatic
Austin City Limits 2014 (only bands I saw): Eminem, Outkast, Skrillrex, Beck, Lana Del Rey, Foster the People, Major Lazer, Spoon, Interpol, Childish Gambino, Chvrches, St. Vincent, Iggy Azalea, Icona Pop, Capital Cities, Paolo Nutini, Jenny Lewis, Sam Smith, Kongos, J. Roddy Walston & the Business
Austin City Limits 2015 (only bands I saw): Foo Fighters, Tame Impala, Gary Clark Jr, Billy Idol, Brandon Flowers, George Ezra, Run The Jewels, Leon Bridges, Royal Blood, Meg Myers
Day for Night 2015 (only bands I saw): Janelle Monae, Flying Lotus, CocoRosie, Future Blondes, Prince Rama, New Order
Free Press Summer Fest 2016 (only bands I saw): Modest Mouse, Jamie XX, Gogol Bordello, Matt and Kim, X Ambassadors, Built to Spill, David Ramirez, Lewis Del Mar, Chicano Batman, Sir the Baptist, Deadmau5, The National, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, The Chainsmokers, Leon Bridges*, Young the Giant, Big Grams, Violent Femmes, Against Me!
Austin City Limits 2016 (only bands I saw): Bear Hands, Bad Suns, The Wombats, Banks & Steelz, The Strumbellas, Foals, Cold War Kids, Corinne Bailey Rae, Die Antwoord, Band of Horses, M83, Radiohead, Major Lazer*

Other Shows in no particular order (because I cannot remember the date, mostly)(and will be updated when I remember stuff):
Paul McCartney at Minute Maid Park
Michael Buble’* (3 times)
Naturally 7* (twice with Buble’)
George Strait at Rice Stadium
George Strait at Minute Maid Park
New Kids on the Block*
Backstreet Boys
Boyz II Men
98 Degrees
Burden Brothers
Cake
Dave Gahan
Depeche Mode* (3 times)
Crystal Castles
Peter Bjorn and John
Death Cab For Cutie
Royal Blood
Adele
Britney Spears
Nicki Minaj
311
Sublime with Rome
Mumford and Sons
Dropkick Murphys
Aerosmith
P!nk
Justin Timberlake* (2 times)
Grouplove

I feel tired just making this list.

UPDATED!
Planned for 2017 – will be moved to the above category if/when they are attended:
Red Hot Chili Peppers (January)
Miranda Sings (January, for Laney of course)
Bastille (April, Laney’s request also)
Atlas Genius (April)
Night Riots (April)
Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness (April)

HEY GUYS WHAT’S UP

Remember me?  I was your friendly neighborhood blogger from about two years ago.  We talked about movies, jobs we would really rather do, ketchup, and fart trains.  Well, I’m back for now. I hope you’ll still have me.   If not, THEN WHY ARE YOU READING THIS?  I’m just saying, if you don’t like what I’m saying, you are wasting time better spent doing something you actually enjoy.  amiright?

You may be wondering why Miss Grainger is featured so prominently on this post.  Or not, because if you know me well, it wouldn’t seem odd at all.  Hermoine is present for three reasons: 1) My face and hair look like that a lot and I find this photo very relatable; 2) “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them” is coming out in the theater next weekend and that is both exciting and frightening (what if it’s terrible????); and 3) I do what I want.  Also, I’ve been listening to a lot of Adele, and I feel like Emma Watson and Adele could be friends.  Are probably friends.  Are best friends.

Also, I went to Adele with my good friend Ivy. Here we are in mandatory stripes on the Houston Chronicle website outside of the concert that was very amazing.  It’s hard to impress me with a large venue show, and Adele did it so well.  When you have a voice like that, and are so funny and expressive with your music, you don’t have to do much else.  IMAGINE THAT, OTHER PEOPLE.  NOT MENTIONING ANY NAMES, OTHER WORST CONCERT I EVER ATTENDED (*britney*).

adele-fans

Something that was not disappointing was the book I finished this morning – I listened to the audiobook version of “As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride” by Cary Elwes, Joe Layden, and Rob Reiner.  The narration is provided by a mixture of the people involved in the movie, but is mostly done by Cary Elwes, which is pretty much the best.  “The Princess Bride” was one of those movies I grew up loving, and still love today.  I find myself using quotes from the movie constantly, much to my mother’s chagrin (see this post for that story).  If you’ve never seen or read “The Princess Bride,” well, that’s inconceivable.  WINK WINK

At this point, you may be thinking – what is the point of this blog?  Perhaps it has no point.  Perhaps I just wanted to get something started again.  See also above – I DO WHAT I WANT.

Thanks for letting me stretch my fingers on this post.  We all gotta warm up somehow.

I’ll take suggestions on what you want me to write about and I’ll see what I can do.  Let me know in the comments.